RV DAY 1: ALL ABOARD!

G’day campers! Get ready and get onboard our newly acquired RV, Margaritaville, for a summer road trip filled with misadventures with yours truly. Justin will be your master ‘n commander and I will be the first mate / sidekick as we navigate the western part of America (Grand Canyon, Jackson Hole, Yellowstone) up to Canada (Jasper, Banff, Vancouver) and back down (Seattle, Mt. Olympic, Oregon), culminating our trip at Burningman (look this up if you don’t know what it is).

Our first stop: Sacramento – Spanky’s Wine Bar Work Party

After weeks of planning, prepping, and packing, we handed over the house keys to the new tenant who will be subletting our place and drove the RV off to Sacramento. Spanky’s Wine Bar is the camp we belonged to at Burningman last year. There is an unofficial BM event next week called 4th of Juplaya, so our camp leader Admiral Painjoy organized a work party to build the bar and refurbish signs and structures from last year. We spent the day under the burning sun chopping / building / sanding / painting wood blocks for the bar. I also mended a rip on the bondage wall with my sewing kit (yes, there is a bondage wall – this is an S&M themed wine bar). My mother would be so proud if she knew that my sewing skills were being put to good use. Then we meticulously painted perfect script letters on each of the wood blocks so they spell “Spanky’s Wine Bar,” while Justin fixed the lights on the “Sorry We’re Open” sign. Even though we were sweaty and dirty, we accomplished quite a bit while having fun with fellow burners.

Well, what a great way to start off our summer as the Burningman theme will rear its ugly head throughout the trip. Like my frolleague* Nou says, leave it to white people to spend inordinate amounts of money to do manual labor (another example is paying to go cherry picking). We also have spent inordinate amounts of money to be homeless this summer. We spent last night in the parking lot of McDonald's in the town of Tonopah. What can you expect from a couple of hippies in yuppies clothing? Say goodbye to good hygiene, clean bathrooms, and style. Say hello to baby wipe showers, IBM**, fugly unflattering activewear from REI and Keens - lesbians’ shoe of choice.

Next stop: Zion via Area 51. Over and out.

*Frolleague: (n) a friend colleague; a colleague who frolics with you
**IBM: (n) acronym for irregular bowel movement – dirty public bathrooms scare my poop away while clean bathrooms give me performance anxiety