Australia: Ugly American

After three full months of residing in Oz, I can formulate based on my sound research a fair assessment of how Aussies view Americans. The general consensus is that we are a bunch of loud-mouth, obnoxious, rude, wasteful, xenophobic, unworldly fat f*cks who sleep with our siblings/animals/grandmas and throw chairs at each other on Jerry Springer. The clip of Ms. South Carolina (2007 Teen USA) that has been shared and mocked around the world thanks to YouTube - who answered the judge's question with gibberish about Americans not owning maps and helping South Africa - definitely hasn't helped things either. Here are a few examples of how Aussies perceive Americans.

One commercial on TV shows two American financial planners explaining to their Australian clients that if they invest wisely, they will live very comfortably in America (while pointing to a map of Australia) and retire in Florida (while pointing to New Zealand) where deers (showing a picture of kangaroos) roam free. It's a funny stab at Americans, but that stereotype is supported by the unfortunate fact that almost 75% of Americans don't even have a passport, most of us do not know world geography (can't even locate Australia on a map), and we all seem to think the world revolves around our nation. On the contrary, every Australian I've met is well versed in world affairs (they know more about the Hillary/Obama election than I do!), can identify every country/capital/flag, and has lived overseas and/or travelled extensively around the globe.

In yesterday's mX (Australian's free newspaper in Melbourne/Sydney/Brisbane), an article revealed a blog site where Americans living in Australia complain about how Aussies stink, literally, and should drink less beer (which apparently is partly to blame for the stench), wash their hair more often, and use more deodorant. The response to that by a contributing writer was less than kind, stating, "The most culturally bland, fast-food consuming, over-exposed citizens on Earth have a problem with the way Aussies smell...the Americans are shooting their mouths off again." Come on Yanks! If you are an expat living somewhere else, at least have a tiny shred of respect for the citizens of your host country and avoid insulting them. That's like calling your half-Indian boyfriend curry-munching cab driver! Oh wait...(Well he calls me a slut all the time so we're even.)

On the flip side, no matter how much Americans are perceived to be ignorant and all the rest of it, there is definitely a love-hate relationship whether Aussies admit it or not. Simply go to any newspaper stand and you’ll find every gossip magazine is graced by Hollywood celebs. Or turn on the TV at any given time and it’ll be broadcasting American TV shows (or Aussie versions of our shows like Big Brother, Biggest Loser, So You Think You Can Dance, and Australia’s Got Talent.). Not to mention many of our movies – blockbuster or not - are released here as well. Their celebrity obsession has everything to do with Hollywood. That's Hollywood, USA. So the million dollar question is, would there be such a pervasive invasion of American culture if there wasn't an overwhelming appetite for it? It’s Economics 101 of demand and supply.

Finally, my favorite quote so far about Americans was overheard when my housemate Ben and I were on the train to work and a bunch of Aussie schoolboys were chatting about boy stuff. When one of them brought up how stupid American-rules soccer is, another boy responded, "Americans eat hamburgers!" which gave Ben and me a good chuckle.

In conclusion, Australian grown-ups think Americans are fat and stupid while their kids sum us up in one phrase: we eat hamburgers. Perhaps I should start introducing myself as Canadian. Only kidding...No matter what, I'd still rather be called an ugly American than a boring Canadian, eh?

Aussie slang of the day:

Wombat is a furry animal in Australia (left picture) who eats roots and leaves .

In slang, wombat is used to describe a guy who likes one-night stands because he eats, roots*, and leaves.

*As you may recall from an earlier lesson, root is Aussie slang for shagging.

Pictures: Our first book club brunch meeting at Blue Train Café where only 3 of the 6 members showed up to review Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. Unlike my last book club with friends in DC (miss ya Sylv!), we were actually engaged in in-depth discussions about the book. Book club was followed by a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and Buddhist Festival. I had a real nerdy, I mean, cultural, day.