Love is in the air...and puke is in my mouth

This entry is dedicated to Justin's friends in Pittsburgh whom we visited this past week and have become my friends as well, or at least I'd like to think so. They have requested for more scoop on Justin on my blog, so I've decided to write a little something about our relationship which I am sure will either appall or horrify.

Even though we fight all the time, Justin and I actually get along extremely well. That's because our fights are always light-hearted with copious name calling; we've never had an actual fight where we are not laughing our asses off or throwing insults like air kisses. Since neither one of us is remotely PC, the names we call each other almost always involve anatomy parts and racial slurs. Below is a typical dialogue between the two of us on a daily basis that will give you a glimpse of our atypical relationship:

E [cooking in the kitchen]: Hey would you mind getting an onion from the garage?

J [lying on the couch]: You're closer so why don't you?

E: You lazy son of a bitch! I'm making lunch for us.

J: But I'm picking a show for us to watch on TV.

E: If I have to get those onions myself, I'm going to rub your sandwich on my bare ass before serving it to you.

J: You can suck my dick while you're at it.

E: I would if I could find it.

J: You cunt.

E: Go get the f**king onions already.

J [returns from the garage with onions and kisses me on the neck]: Here you go baby.

E: Now drink this tea I made.

J [takes a sip]: Thanks. It's almost as good as my tea.

E: You're welcome. I spit in it for extra flavoring.

J: You goddamn bitch.

E [accidentally smells his armpit]: Whatever curry breath. And why do you Indians always have the worst BO?

J: Open your eyes you chink. I smell like flowers.

E: I am so leaving you when you lose all your hair.

J: I am so leaving you when you get fat.

E: That'll never happen. You, on the other hand, are a lost cause. You're on a downhill slope to No Hair Land.

J: OK please don't leave me. You're my favorite. I love you sooooo much.

E: No YOU are my favorite and I love YOU!

J: Will you marry me?

E: Maybe. Now finish making lunch, you brownie.

J: Yes my baby, my pretty China doll.

E: I'm not from China you Paki.

Sadly I'm not exaggerating how offensive and crass our usual banter is with each other. In spite of it, he even manages to propose, insincerely of course, a thousand times a week. Sometimes I say yes, but mostly I say no. Sometimes we even set a date. (Mark your calendars for either 9/9/2009 or 10/10/2010 for our wedding extravaganza in India. Just kidding.) Makes me want to throw up thinking about us. But it's not like the first time I saw his hairy body or caught a whiff of his inhuman BO and felt chunks of vomit rising from my stomach. This is a different kind of nausea I'm feeling. I've never laughed so much or felt so much. When we are not together for even just a day, we miss each other. He gets me on a deeper level than I ever even knew was there - well, perhaps it was the drugs.

Nonetheless, our relationship has evolved from platonic coworkers to pen pals, from a fun fling to full-fledged romance to what we are now. We don't believe in soul mates, but how we make each other feel and inspire each other to become better versions of ourselves are enough for us to say, "We have found someone special." At least special enough that we are jumping into the next chapter of our lives with both feet to move to Australia for a year. We've gotten our Work and Holiday visas, secured living arrangements, and booked our flights. I know it will be wonderful and exciting. Not just because we'll be living in Australia with koalas and kangaroos, but we'll be embarking on this adventure together. No matter what we are doing or where we are living, having someone so complementing to you to live life with makes the journey infinitely more enjoyable and a little less scary.