Australia: Life Lesson

This past weekend I learnt a very important life lesson at the ripe old age of 30. Yamen and Jo came down from Sydney before tying the knot for a combined bucks/hens night (bachelor/bachelorette party). With Jimmy's help, I planned Friday night for the 10 of us starting with dinner in Chinatown followed by bowling then a pub before possibly ending up in a fine establishment with scantily-clad pole-dancing women known fondly as strippers.

What I planned and what I actually did were two different matters. To summarise what transgressed without going into all the gory details, there was a drinks event at work at 4 and I was having a great time getting my pre-party buzz. Next thing you know, it was 6 o'clock and my coworker said to me in disbelief, "Ev! You drank the entire bottle of champagne by yourself!" I looked at the empty bottle in one hand and an empty glass in the other and thought, "Holy shit!" I couldn't run to the bathroom fast enough where I threw up my party food and sat on the floor for god knows how long. When I finally mustered the strength to leave the confines of the bathroom, everyone had left the office party to continue with their Friday night plans. I successfully made it down the elevator without soiling it with my puke, but as soon as I got out of the building, I threw up on the street. I was walking and throwing up while trying to hail a cab and then throwing up some more while walking all the way to the train station where I threw up again. When I got home, I knew it was over. Fun Evan turned into a party pooping disgrace. Justin tried with all his might to get me out of bed but I just couldn't do it and made him go to our friends without me.

For the next 5 hours, I lied in bed for what seemed like an eternity in hell. I couldn't sleep at all, instead feeling the pain and rawness of my stomach and throwing up everything I drank and ate and then some a thousand times. Benny and Justin finally came home at 3 in the morning from the fun night that I planned. When Justin asked in bed in his drunken stupor how he can help, I begged softly, "Please don't talk, don't move, and don't touch me." He promptly agreed but actions spoke louder than words. Not only was he shaking the bed, rolling around, farting up a storm, and scratching his bum, but he proceeded to tell me, very loudly mind you, how much fun everyone had without me and how I am like a 17-year-old who can't hold her liquor and that no one dislikes me, while singing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!" He finally allowed me some peace and quiet by falling asleep and snoring away....That's the loving support I fully expected from my partner.

I miraculously fell asleep after a night of a violent reaction to alcohol poisoning and got up the next morning feeling less than ordinary but understanding Amy Winehouse a little better. Justin got me a bottle of vitamin water, appropriately named "Rehab." My friends forgave me, but not without giving me a lot of grief the rest of the weekend and a couple new nicknames - Spewy le Vom and Vom Vom. My coworkers on the following Monday morning were less kind, naming me Two Pot Screamer (Aussie expression for someone who gets drunk after two drinks) and Cadbury (means a glass and a half, referring to the Cadbury chocolate bar in the UK and Australia advertised as "a glass and a half of full cream milk in every pound"). The lesson here? Life is cruel when you do not know when to stop drinking. And know when to stop or you miss out on fun things with your friends because you're too busy throwing up.

Australia: Birthday at the Grampians

We celebrated Justin's birthday last weekend by engaging in his favourite activity. No, not strip clubs (that's this weekend)... we drove as far away from the city as possible and went camping in the country!!! We left work early on Friday to drive four hours to Dunkeld where we had an 8 o'clock booking at the renowned Royal Mail Hotel - the only restaurant in this remote town but many tourists make the drive just to dine there. Winner of many awards including Two Chef's Hats (Australia's Michelin equivalent), the Royal Mail Hotel proffers three tasting menus including a vegetarian option for $100 - $150 per person as well as a bar menu. Even though each dish is dainty and elegantly served with edible wildflowers on huge plates (almost too pretty to eat), our appetites were beyond satiated by the end of the eight course meal where the last four are dessert. After feasting for two hours, we called it a night at the Sunrise on Sierra Bed & Breakfast down the street from the restaurant.

The next morning we chowed down on a hearty breakfast prepared by our lovely and talkative hostess from the UK at the B&B before taking off to the Grampians National Park. The Grampians boast majestic mountain ranges with breathtaking views and spectacular waterfalls - a big playground for big kids. We hiked a very strenuous 10 k Briggs Bluff Trail that could only be described as steep, slippery, and scary. Briggs Bluff is aptly named because you will be, as I was, fooled by the first 30 minutes of easy flat paved road. As soon as you pass the waterfalls, however, you're in for a treat. The rest of the trail is extremely rocky and dangerous and I often found myself on all fours trying to climb up the mountain while fighting the wind. Proper hiking shoes are mandatory as well as a light backpack with plenty of water and snacks. I was also feeling the start of a bad cold so the first hour was pretty miserable, but I toughed it out and made it all the way up to the top where we rested for a picnic. Boy was I glad I did not concede to my aching body, because as soon as we caught a glimpse of the view, we both gasped for breath for a split-second, overwhelmed and awed by the panoramic scenery (see pics) and nature's wondrous beauty. One false step - or strong wind - and we would have plunged to our premature deaths.

After the equally dangerous and frightening hike down, we set up camp at the Stapleton Campgrounds where we enjoyed a romantic dinner by the campfire with twenty kangaroos (or wallabees) and fifty other campers. Even though we were exhausted, we were unable to get a good night's sleep. First came the wind which kept us up with its howling, often lifting our tents from underneath. Then came the rain which woke us up in the middle of the night with the sound of heavy raindrops. Then came the sun which woke us up at dawn with its brightness seeping through. Then came the birds which woke us up in the early morning with their cacophony. We gave up trying to sleep and closed up shop instead. After stopping by an aboriginal historical art site (they drew white men stick figures) and Mackenzie Falls, we drove back home to good ole Melbourne concluding Justin's birthday celebration weekend - part 1.

Aussie Phrase of the Day:
Ripper means fantastic or great.
Example: What a ripper view at the Grampians!